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Relationships > Living Together Before Marriage
 Posted by write2serve
Dec 13, 2006 07:09 PM
Living Together Before Marriage
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Although the decision to live together or not before marriage is no longer dictated by one's religion (some Catholics, for instance, do not believe in co-habiting or having sex before marriage), sharing living quarters is not a decision that can be made overnight. Younger people these days value their freedom and independence, and have learned from the sad experiences of their friends who lived together before marriage only to break up because of irreconcilable differences. It's hard to predict the outcome of such a decision. For others, it was just what they needed. For others, it could turn out to be the most serious mistake they have ever made.
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It can be a good try
If living together is the consequence of getting married, why do not living together before marriage. Since marriage is a kind of commitments, it is better to think over before you making it. There could be a lot of problems about living together, such as personal habits, money and allocation of time. Some of these problems may become a real problem after a couple living together. A marriage is never a simple thing. Any couple must realize that they are ready to solve these problems together before they make the commitment. A healthy family must have a father and a mother living in a same house. Besides, living together does not necessarily mean that you must have sex. Or you can have save sex. If a man left a woman when she is pregnant, this does not have a lot to do with this issue, because he will still do something bad even though they get married. It is his nature.
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It’s a recipe for disaster
living together before marriage not only violates the whole institution of marriage, but also the morals that has been set into this world. Living together before marriage brings more harm then good. what if you say that living together shows the commitment that the pair has but then ending up with a separation. if the in a normal couple, by that i mean a man and a women, the women all the sudden gets pregnant and leaving the man not willing to commit because he didn’t 'sign up for this mess.’ what then?
Can u honestly say that all the negative outcome the couple in question will do the responsible thing ladies and gentlemen? with that i find living together before marriage is unethical and unmoral. thank you
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It proves the marriage IS just a piece of paper.
Society has matured a bit and finally realizes that modern marriage is a joke. People divorce like its returning a damaged good to Wal-Part. Sure, there is a "re-stocking" fee, but often, the divorcees will agree it is well-worth the cost. Living together before marriage allows you to BE "married" without actually signing legal documents. Be a couple, later a family, BE "husband and wife", live together - without having the government and IRS and court room involved in your lovelife.
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It makes breaking up very difficult.
Going from living together to going your seperate ways can be very difficult. It takes a lot of planning and money and creates very ackward situations. Thus, couples who live together tend to stay together even when the relationship is flawed and sours, often due to such trivial things as finances and not enough to move out and find a new place.
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Opportunity to get to the know the real person
When the relationship is fairly new, we tend to put our best foot forward. The dating game enables us to show the other our strengths and the things that make us attractive to the other party. Living together answers the question, “is she for real?”, or “is he this charming all the time?” Time heals all wounds, the wise men say, but in a live-in relationship, time will definitely tell. If this is the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, then living together was well worth it.
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It raises the quesiton - when will the next step come?
Romantic interaction between two people is always about "When will the next step be taken?". For example, once someone gets a phone number, the question is "When will that person call?". When two people start dating, the question is "When will they have sex?". "When will they become exclusive?" "When will they move in together?" "When will they get engaged?" "When will they have a kid?" "When will they have another kid?" etc.
Answering each of those questions (by actually doing it) brings up the next question.
So, if you are happy with your current situation, taking the next step encourages the step that follows it.
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Adjustment time is reduced
People who have not lived together before marriage are of course anxious about what happens after the honeymoon. There’s a certain degree of shyness – indeed nervousness – about sharing the same roof for the first time. The dating was fun – getting to know the other person through candle light dinners and walks in the park – leave us tingling with excitement. But when two people decide to live together, they get to discover each other’s annoying habits, warts and all. This way, they know what to expect of the other during married life and the adjustment won’t be as – well – painful!
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Familiarity breeds contempt
“I can’t take it anymore. I know her inside out. I preferred it when I hardly knew her. Now the mystery is gone and my love is fading.” That’s what happens when two people share not only a toothbrush but their whole life. While sharing is a noble and beautiful thing – gee whiz – what it can do to the psyche of each spouse! Have you ever heard of the saying, “you tend to hurt the person you love most?” Some people thrive in mystery. For them it’s a challenge to try to ensnare the opposite sex, but once captured, the interest dissipates. Perhaps the only way to keep the flames of love burning is to enjoy your own fireplace – in your own house.
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Serves as the perfect rehearsal for married life – compatibility test
Some couples will say that living together is the best rehearsal for marriage because it serves as a genuine compatibility test. Compatibility must cover all levels of the relationship, and not just one area. Do they share the same views about religion, politics, sex and money? These may be subjects that are taboo between strangers but they need to be fleshed out between two people who are in love. How does each spouse/partner handle an emergency or a major setback in life? What about raising children? What are their positions with respect to private and public schooling?
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Does not put any pressure to try harder to please the other
When one gets accustomed to the constant presence of a loved one, one tends to take certain things for granted. Remember how you used to enjoy taking her out for a fancy dinner during payday or treat her to a sold out concert and feel proud that you were ahead of the pack in lining up for tickets? You live with her now and she’s a great cook – lessons learned from a long tradition of Italian cooking – and she plays the piano like Liberace – what’s the point of going out for dinner and taking in a concert together? If you stop giving her the royal treatment altogether, you may wake up one morning to an empty bed. And to opening a can of tuna for dinner.
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Economic reasons – sharing rent, food and utilities is great way to save
When engaged in intellectual pursuits, two heads are certainly better than one. When two people graduate from university and have educational and car loans to pay off, two salaries are better than one. Living together for many couples constitutes an economic decision, and is definitely easier on the pocket. If they’re in love and deciding whether or not to tie the knot, they might as well share the heating bill.
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Arguments and disagreements can be more frequent
Okay – he leaves his dirty clothes in the living room and in the kitchen. Are you living with a schoolboy or a 30-something male? She forgot to pay the bill again and always leaves the lights on. Are you living with someone who’s suffering from dementia? When two people get used to each other, respect and consideration are two things that fly out the window. Sure, fighting is healthy between two couples, but if they’re fighting as frequently as they brush their teeth, the psychological fatigue sets in.
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Significantly helps in the decision to wed or go separate ways
When two people live together, three things could happen: one, they fall more in love with each other because the sharing and support were offered unconditionally; two, they could end up hating each other’s guts because they turned out to be a major nuisance or burden or blocker to their individual success, and three, they may have their share of disappointments with the other but have learned to rise above the petty quarrels and make a go of the relationship by deciding to tie the knot. It is true that love can move mountains, so even confirmed or die-hard bachelors choose to stay together when they realize that they’ve found their true life partner.
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Smugness – “we live together, why bother getting married?”
Oh sure, why bother at all? If you really think that marriage is only a piece of paper, think again. Whatever happened to the good old days? Marriage is still the best human tenderizer there is in modern civilization. We use all kinds of kitchen products to tenderize our meat and spice up our salads. Why should it be any different for human beings? Taking the relationship to the next level – i.e. marriage – reinforces the love between two people. Love makes the world go round, but it’s marriage that makes a stable world.
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Pressure from parents and other relatives to “formalize” the living arrangement
Social pressures are omnipresent so why fight them? When you’ve lived together all this time without any announcements of a wedding, you’re bound to raise the antennas of those you love. Family members don’t mean to pry; sometimes in their concern for your future, they tend to put their noses into everything. “When are those two ever going to make up their minds?” is just one of them. You might as well get used to all this questioning. And when you do finally tie the knot, be prepared for the next question, “when are you going to make us proud grandparents?”
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