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Posted by write2serve
Dec 13, 2006 07:11 PM
Foreign-Born Spouse

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brings more i think it is a good thing to have different ethnicity in a family it gives the children more knowledge then other kids i am bi racial my self black and white and i learned everything from both of my parents there is alot of things different between both of my parents family but i am happy to be biracial	Process of adjustment may put stress on the marriage Diversity has its advantages but it can cause snags in the adjustment process. When two people fall in love and the initial phase ends and both have to live together as man and wife, cultural differences could make adjusting to the new life twice as difficult. Each spouse has his/her own beliefs and values, so when challenged, the union does not grow; instead misunderstandings and disagreements can stall or impede this progress.
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The kids will gain Two different cultures for the kids - they will gain greater empathy and possibly a second language. If the husband and wife have the same values, it does not matter what cultures they bring to the marriage.	Educational achievements may be disparate One’s educational attainment can be radically different from that of your foreign spouse who was educated under a different system. Note that the American, British and French systems vary in certain aspects as far as levels and grading and degrees are concerned. Immigrants from other countries feel they’ve been let down by their host country when their diplomas or certificates are not accepted. This resentment intensifies when they can not land jobs they were trained for because their diplomas are worthless. When this happens, it could strain the relationship between husband and wife because of income disparities brought about by disparate educational levels.
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Increases understanding, tolerance and accommodation The road to maturity is marked by understanding, tolerance and accommodation. Marrying someone from a different race is a difficult challenge, but it all depends on how strong love is and how intense your desire is to make the relationship work. Intolerance and inflexibility have no place in a loving union. Marriage counselors will recommend that you enjoy each other’s mutual interests and accept each other’s differences. There’s also the thing called compromise or meeting halfway. Make use of the tools at your disposal. Talking things out has its rewards. So does patience.	Language barrier may come into play You need truckloads of patience when your spouse is learning your language. It is particularly more difficult when your spouse grew up with a language that does not use the Roman alphabet, so it can be overwhelmingly frustrating when communication is impossible. We remember the story of our former French Canadian boss who married a Chinese girl straight from China. We always wondered why he had to run out of the office frequently after police officers called him. It turned out that his wife, who could not read French road signs, took the wrong turn or simply got lost on the major highways, unaware that there were some stop signs or school zone signs that she ignored! Naturally after it happened 6 or 7 times, our boss started showing signs of police fatigue.
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Gene pool could produce beautiful offspring Those sparkling eyes that Cameron Diaz flashes before the camera – do you know who she got her eyes from? It could be her Cuban American father or her English/German/Native American mother. Truly a beautiful lady, isn’t she? And that dashing very successful actor and producer Tom Cruise – did you know that his paternal ancestry is German and Welsh, while his maternal ancestry is half German and half Irish? What are we saying here? That inter-racial marriages can produce beautiful offspring – it’s like helping the gene pool improve itself. If your eyes are blue and your spouse has green eyes, your imagination runs wild just thinking about what the outcome may be if you decide to have children!	Foreign-born spouse may feel family discrimination or feel left out The foreign spouse who has started learning the language of his/her spouse may feel socially awkward and out of place with her in-laws. Or she could perceive some form of discrimination by the questions or statements uttered by her foreign family. Sometimes, when one has not traveled much or hasn’t had the opportunity of being exposed to different cultures, this lack can bring about closed-mindedness and what we say could be offensive to the other party. Spouses must help one another conquer these barriers and tear down the walls of cultural isolation.
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Chance to meet people from another racial group C’mon be a good sport. Attend the community ethnic gathering and learn how to dance the polka, or drink tequila without drowning in stupor. Or learn to puff at a Havana cigar. Talk to the natives and see how much more intriguing your world can be. Ethnic communities are one way of getting to know people from foreign lands – on your own turf. Think of all the new friends you’ll be making if your wife or husband drags you along to the community’s social get-togethers. Were you always curious about the richness of Costa Rica? Join your Costa Rican spouse the next time he/she attends a Costa Rican event!	May give rise to serious cultural differences Being accustomed to one’s way of life makes it difficult to try another lifestyle. Inter-racial marriages are known to end up in the divorce courts because the cultural differences were too enormous to overcome, or one partner was not willing to accept the other’s quirks. The reason you were attracted to each other was precisely these differences, so why should they distract you, now that you’re married? Cultural differences are a wonderful opportunity to build a stronger character by teaching us how to be receptive and open.
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Adds spice to the relationship This comes as a corollary to the first advantage of cultural diversity. When a union is characterized by cultural diversity, then it certainly adds spice to the relationship. Why is that, you may ask. Marriage is a learning curve for each spouse, but it turns into a more challenging learning curve when the spouse is from a foreign country. You can enjoy teaching each other words and phrases, experimenting in the kitchen – and of course in the bedroom. Who was that person who spoke of Arabian nights, anyway?
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Culturally enriching Chantal Saperstein once said that all marriages are mixed marriages. In her mind, she probably regards marriage as the union of two personalities, and not necessarily the union of two races. Still, having a foreign-born significant other does broaden our horizons. When we say “culturally enriching”, it encompasses language, mores, cuisine and foreign traditions. Talk about keeping the conversations alive and the pillow talk more scintillating. Because, yes, having a foreign partner/spouse can mean endless days of discovery, exploration, and enrichment. “Did you like that couscous my wife whipped up?” “Devoured it. Any leftovers?”
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