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Being > Lying To A Friend
Posted by Miss_J
Dec 05, 2006 11:24 AM
Lying To A Friend
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Friendship is built on trust. The strongest friendships can withstand the test of both time and distance, outlast many romantic relationships and act as a grounding force in our lives. Is it ever OK to lie to a friend? Now, I'm not talking about the "yes, I just LOVE your new haircut" or "hands-down your son is the best player on the field" type of lie. No no. I mean the "I saw your husband kissing another woman", "No, I didn't break off the affair even though I swore that I did", "I think your new girlfriend is great (but I did see her stripping at the local club last weekend)" kind of lie. Whether to protect your friend's feelings or to protect your own-is it ever OK to lie to a friend?
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You Want to Protect Yourself
From time to time, it's OK to be selfish. We have our lives outside of the friendship. Those lives often include our own set of bumps and bruises. Are you really ready to heap your friends' troubles on top of your own? To shoulder that burden alone? In the end, you will always be there to help pick up the pieces-but sometimes, you need to take care of yourself first.
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Conflicts With Your Moral Standard
Perhaps you choose, as a matter of practice, not to lie. Not even white lies. If you hate the haircut, you have no problem saying so. When lying to your friend becomes the only logical decision, will you be able to live with yourself afterwards?
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Sometimes, It's Just Easier
Friends don't always have to agree. I understand your opinion. I value your opinion. I disagree. I'm allowed to disagree. For the sake of my own self-preservation, you don't need to know the truth. I don't want to hear your criticism. I don't want to stand before your firing squad. I choose the easiest path for me.
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Guilt
Personal feelings of guilt will vary from person to person and the severity of the lie. There is a certain window of time to tell the truth. After this window closes, telling the truth is futile. It may become very difficult to sustain the lie over the long term. These feelings of guilt could have unexpected and long lasting effects on the friendship.
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Fear or Repercussions
That horrible realization that no matter what happens, you're going to end up on the short of the stick. No matter whose fault it actually IS - the fault will land squarely on you. You're the easy, always forgiving target. You're the liar. You're the jealous one. You're the reason that this happened in the first place.
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Loss of Trust
Consider the little boy who cried wolf. This classic story embodies the worst part about lying-it's hard to TRUST a liar. Even if your friend forgives the lie, it may take a lot of time and effort on your part to regain their trust. There is also the possibility that your friend will never trust you again the way they did before.
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They Need to Learn Things on Their Own
As much as we hate to see them fall, it's life's bumps and bruises that ultimately make us stronger. When we confess, admit or spill the beans-aren't we taking away a bit of their personal power and ability to control their own fate?
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Getting Caught
Getting caught in a lie is never easy. Getting caught lying to a friend is especially hard. This person that looks to you for guidance, help and honesty may have a hard time accepting that you lied for noble reasons.
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You Want to Protect Them
The hard truth is that sometimes the truth hurts. When it comes to your friends, the last thing you want is to see them in pain, worried or suffering. It is that instinct to protect our friends that makes the friendship worthwhile and special to begin with.
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Destroy the Friendship
In some cases, it can take years to cultivate trust within a friendship. A lie has the potential to destroy that trust in one split second. What you consider to be admirable reasons for lying, your friend may see as downright betrayal. Ask yourself, is the lie worth the cost of the friendship?
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